Here it is once again. Is it because of the air or if it is something about the month that makes boys and girls go head over heels during the month of Feb. And as always being single adds to the despondency. When you go to the market and you see little red heart shaped the “heart” hung around the shops and people buying it, what you do yes you just smirk and your mind says “yes, God saved me some bucks” and in my case God has been saving my bucks since what like college, that’s when you know the month love is here with open arms.
So what makes the month of Feb that entire special after all don’t lovers go around hand in hand the whole year. It’s not like they will only bother you with their public display of affection and that’s the full form of PDA if , if you are wondering the first time I heard that term I thought of it as some kind of mobile device that you can take with and roam around with, only during a designated time of the year. This is a month when you already know that for these 28 days or 29(god forbid if it’s a leap year) you will have to tell yourself and say “Deal with it its Feb after all” and the other months you still can’t run away from it.
Mind you loving is not everyone’s cup of tea. Arreee it requires a lot of hard work. Waking up the so called “baby” from bed that is 10 bucks wasted because a well-loved baby does not get up so easily mind you that baby requires a lot of “love yous ” and “there for yous”. After dressing up for the office it’s now baby’s turn to call you to say “love yous and love you toos”, that’s another 10 minutes wasted. Once you reach the office and begin the tasks you get so much engrossed that you forget that its lunch hour and your baby does not eat lunch without you and you rush towards the canteen just so late that it’s time for the baby to go and apparently she always has a busy day and yet she finds time for you. On enquiring and much pursuing it is revealed the baby was waiting for you for so long when instead what she could have done was go out with her friends, not a bad idea is what you think but what you actually say is “oooo baby sorry let me make you eat with my own hands”. What is a lunch without a walk because lunch is not just lunch idiot it is a way to spend time with loved ones as they say. So after spending a whole 1 hour at lunch you come back to your desk only to find a message on your phone from the baby informing that you forgot to say the parting words that you always used to say and you actually wonder what is the thing you have been doing since long is “wiping your ass”. Anyhow you continue your work till the next time you look at the clock and its evening and you need to go. You have to surprise the loved one after all you know the monster “Feb” is coming. To make things worse they have these designated days teddy, chocolate, hug, propose, and kiss and Valentine’s Day and the poor guy after all the hard work thinks why did they stop at Valentine ’s Day. They should have topped it up with a make-out day.
So you see if you are a lover feel good because you have been doing a job no not just a job but two full-time jobs. And if you are not a lover cheer up and feel good because you saved yourself your hard earned bucks. And to that I wake up from this wild dream and say fuck that “I am a whole lot richer, i am gonna drink to that”. Now that I must say is a “Happy Valentine’s day” boys.
Single beware it’s time to go into recluse once again, nerds its time to once again loath yourself for spending those college hours honing your technical skills and lovers beware its time to let loose your pockets again. Its time to sadly embrace “the love season” or “seasonal love” once again.
If it is just one day then you can somehow hide yourself in your dorm room so as to escape the unusual sightings of public affection on the “gazebo” or in the empty classrooms but the festivities last for about a fortnight bringing forth different and vibrant colors of secretive love. As if the Valentine’s Day wasn’t just enough to torture the single mind that they devised rose day, teddy bear day, the “ultimate bomb” the kiss day and a whole plethora of days that precede and succeed the so called birthday of St. Augustine. I wonder what the reverend saint has to say about this day when everybody remembers someone from the opposite sex but him. Is it a way to mock his lifelong celibacy ? Well maybe not, but it does clearly mock at us the “single people” that whatever the situation is always fall short of popping the question.
You combine the effect of the love season with the fact that many boys still haven’t had their first kiss and you have a bomb of guilt
and a sense of wastage of a few good years of youthful life creeping in making us self-pitying ourselves, poor us, maybe for once
the cupid will tell us the art of striking the women’s heart without her actually feeling any pain because until today every arrow of mine has actually pierced, and killed even the faintest of feelings that a girl would have had for me, phew!!! I have to blame my archery skills now.
Well look at It from an investment point of view, what’s wrong in spending a few bucks on a girl when it can buy her a few drinks and the boy a kiss planted on the lips. Considering India’s skewed up sex ratio who knows when a day would come when all the girls would be booked and the only ones looking for their first kisses will be us, terrifying isn’t it. But that is if the kiss is truly planted on the lips because a few years back a friend of mine who was smitten by the girl of our class gifted a rose to her on one of the rose days only to get a smiling thank you in return. He made an ass of himself and was the talking point of our batch for the whole year.
So let me offer you a few tips that my friend, fondly called “Aladdin” by us offered me a few years back when my college life was to about to start. These formulas never worked for me but he surely has made up to the third base umpteen number of times:
- Never talk to a girl about another girl, even if you are actually praising her, it makes her feel inferior.
- No matters how desperate you are for the girl, never let her realize this, I don’t know why but that drives them away.
- Never ever in your life ask for a girls contact especially mobile number. Its funny but no matter how important the task at hand is you will always sound “cheap”.
- Remove that grizzly mop of hair from your face, no matter how much you convince yourself of being just so close in resembling Hugh Jack man you end up actually being a jackass.
- And this one is a no brainer, go slow on popping up the question because once a girl says “I do”, she will cling on to you like a glue, so enjoy the chewing gum while it lasts and remember to spit it out properly, cos once it gets stuck on your jeans you will have a torrid time getting rid of it.
The above tips will surely help you at least do something worthwhile rather than go in a state of hibernation for a fortnight, because as they say “if Valentine’s day 2014 has gone can Valentine’s day 2015 be far behind”.