During those weekends when you feel there is nothing to do when actually you have much on your platter. However slow you want the weekends to be, how so ever early you rise or how much longer you run from your routine extra, you find that at the end of the day the
time flies past. It is like those rows of trees, those small brick houses outside the window of a train that seem to run behind at a constant pace, no matter how you crane you neck out they just go behind you and dissolve into an infinite oblivion. To do away with this feeling of running ahead of my weekends I try to slow down but in vain.
While taking a bus journey, I looked around and found an old man sitting at the front seat ahead of me. He had a mobile phone in his hand that was as old as he probably. The man was in his white shirt and black pant looked about 55-60 years of age. He had a tuft of white hair on his head with a few of them protruding out of his ear. After fidgeting with his phone for a few minutes he opened his messages and began reading them one by one. After reading each message he deleted it. This went on for quite a few messages. So out of curiosity I craned my neck to read what the messages were. The first one read “Happy retired life sir”, the second one said “We will miss you sir” and so on.
The old man had retired after 30-35 years at service. By deleting the messages he was trying to cut the chords that tied him to his past, to those years of service. We feel not looking back or doing away the memories will make us forget the past. We search for all the memories and try to weed them out one by one in a hope that this would save us from the nostalgia. But why do we want to break away or forget the past which was so good. Do we not like to remember good stuff, do we not want to be surrounded by the happy feeling of good times that make us look at the future in a hope of reliving the past. Then why was he deleting the memories.
We humans are the most dissatisfied out of all the creations of God. In childhood, we crave for good marks. Once we have marks we crave for the top position in class, once teens, we crave for a good college and then a good job. And then after all those years at service, in the twilight of our lives we crave for reliving the past. This is why the man was cutting all the chords from the past. He wanted to forget about something that he will no longer have “the daily 9-5 job.” Getting up in the morning and leaving for the job in a haste only to return late in the evening. Cursing the Mondays and looking forward to the weekends. Cursing our daily routine and waiting for the end of each month for our salary. No matter how sad or depressing this predictable life looks on paper all of us live it and most of us crave for it at the end of our careers.
Those 25 years at the job we are all runners who are running at a great speed. We run to see what is at the end of the race and once we reach the final post we long for the race. We long for someone that boss to manage us. We long for the feeling of completing our monthly targets or for that yearly bonus that gives us a free pass to “dine out”. Suddenly we find ourselves so heavily addicted to our daily routine that even the thought of slowing down fills us with gloom. We forget that this emptiness is not a curse it’s what that has been bestowed on us as a reward of all those years at work. Why do we not see it?
Are we so lost that we don’t see the light the end of the tunnel. Do we love the darkness so
much that even the thought of light scares us. Out of all the living beings, only humans walk on two legs and have the ability to choose. Then why do we choose to ignore the voice within is. Why do we fail to see the beauty of “now”?
There is an age old saying “try and try until you succeed”. Though the saying is true but we generally and mostly interpret it wrong. The saying tells us to recognize our goals first and then try to achieve them. In today’s times the entire idea of goals is misconstrued to the core. We end up doing or trying to excel at something that pleases everyone but us.
Recently I met people who initially I had thought were full of ambitions and the desire to do something. While looking for a job in the campus recruitment these were the guys who had already got one job but wanted another one. I asked them “Aren’t you happy with the job in hand” to this there answer was “Dude! Are you serious, what we have got is not a job but just a back-up plan, the real job is one that pays you well”. On the other hand I was very happily satisfied with the so called “back up job” but this remark made me a bit irresolute about my plans, I began thinking if I was the only one without plans, or was I too much afraid of failure that I am utterly happy with something that others consider just a “second option”.
So I too began looking for a “well-paying job” but to my disdain I found that this lookout was as futile as looking for gold in a coal mine. There is nothing such as “well paying” because nature hasn’t made anything as such otherwise what would dissatisfaction the root cause of success and failure dwell upon. I saw that people even after getting an 8 lacks job were running after a 10 lacks and those with 15 were looking a 20 lacks job and so on. But the race does not end here it goes on and on until the very end(no idiot not the world’s end but your very own end). In my case the search resulted in chewing on my early morning yoga session, then my evening workouts. I realized that in this search I was losing out on the things that truly make me happy and satisfied. When I use to ask myself “what would a better job that too in a field which does not interest me anymore, give me” the answer was straight “it would give you nothing but would only end this fanatic search”. And that too when I could have ended that search then and now because I was satisfied with the current situation and the thing that truly made me happy and feel good had nothing to do with a well-paying job.
When God created life he took away the most important thing from us “satisfaction”, he wanted us to strive hard to achieve it. But today we are motivated by society, money and greed. Instead of letting our conscience being the judge we let our actions be determined by the thoughts and society. This takes us to a level wherein the voice of our conscience is subdued to such an extent that the entire communication channel between us and our inner self breaks down. Thus we end up being rats in a rat race that always ends up at the “edge of the cliff”. Though you might say that this gives you the chance to win the race but ultimately you win and die as a rat.
Remember you earn as much as you can spend. If your work does not give you time to spend the hard earned cash then what’s the point accumulating it. Because, frankly even if you slog for a 100 years you won’t be well off to make another Taj Mahal or buy the whole world but one thing that you will surely pay the price for is losing your true self.
I read in a magazine once “If you follow others the only place where you will end up is the exit”. I have made my decision and I am not afraid because I know my conscience will guide me even during the worst of times. The conclusion is to do things that make you happy listen to your inner self and make the best of what you have got because “a bird in hand is worth two in the bush”(the bush may be thorny, mind you) :).