Last time I had a dream of doing something, achieving something and giving my everything for something was about four years back. When expectations were sky high and the only thing I cared about was making a big 1000 letter name for me to showcase the world. Life takes turns and sometimes turns the world upside down and I found myself finishing the task at hand with no aspirations or hope of future prospects for me personal or career wise. That is life and you live it whether stoically or passionately, it’s your choice. I preferred the former way of life.
I am of the view that each one of us has a pole star in life that we continue to follow each and every moment. That pole star sometimes hidden from us but always comes out of the clouds and again shines like a bright dot. In my case it took four years. But four years is not that long when you consider it in light years. And suddenly out of the blue I got a meaning to move forward. To see the bright future for those who are meant to be languishing in darkness due to their fate while we the more privileged ones talk here about our lost chances and lost fucking meanings.
So with this view in mind and to find the answers to some specific questions that have been plaguing me I plan to embark on a journey that would take me on a new path completely away from my career and whatever I have done until now. I don’t care for myself because fending for me is the last relevant question that I have in my mind. But the questions that I need the answers to are what about my parents. Till now when I looked into their eyes it was filled with hope. A hope and content to give me a thriving and a comfortable future. But now when I look into them I find desperate attempts to stop me from this self-destroying feat that I suddenly feel a liking for. It’s a risk and the last call would be mine because this time father won’t be there to clean up my mess.
So I am stuck with options on one side of the road I have a life that guarantees me a certain minimum standard of life and on the other hand a life that takes away everything from me at one shot and gives me a chance to begin afresh. On one side people have suggestions to all the problems on the other side I have the opportunity to find the answers myself. On one side I will have a future on the other hand each and every child will have a future. But I know whatever I choose I will always have my pole star to guide me and a road to walk upon but what means will I have to travel on it will be defined by the side I take.
Sometimes options are tough to choose from.