Category Archives: stories
1.0 Rocks And Waves
A few days back someone who holds just as much importance in my life as before and with whom I had no contact for quite sometime now accussed me of being partial to “men” and “boys”. That someone read all my blogs and found my stories soft on male. She texted me “Is it your sordid past you write about mister or are you really that selfish, if it is so stop accussing and prophesizing your sorrows. I wonder if you would ever tell the other side of the story”. So here it is, first time I am trying to write a story with a women’s point of view. I Hope it does justice to her thoughts:
The story begins:
She walks back towards her house in the uptown area of New York. The weather is good and summer is what every New Yorker looks forward to after a harsh winter. She decides to walk towards her house which is 6 blocks down from the next right from the upcoming signal. The gentle breeze blowing across her face forming swirls on her perfectly ironed skirt as if caressing it with a gentle pace that is not too fast and not very slow either, just perfect so as not to destroy the pleats formed on the front clothe. The momentary pleasures tend to wither away as soon as they are formed like a lover’s touch or the early morning glow of the rising sun, which leave you longing for more. Today she was in no mood to go home early. There is nothing expecting her at home at this hour anyway the kids won’t be back from the evening tuitions until an hour and Ric had already called that he would turn up late. So she decides to make the most of this opportunity today which is hard to come by her. She used to be a regular visitor to the beaches during her post graduation years at the NYU until her kids and husband took the better of her.
The gentle wind was threatening to gather some speed, with the met department already sounding an alarm of an approaching storm she knew the timing cannot be perfect. Coincidentally she found her legs turning towards the left instead of taking the right which was her usual way to home. A force pushed her towards the direction that she had stopped taking since that fateful day 16 years back. She knew she had to turn back from here, the way to her home was not so sandy, it was hard. It can’t be so irregular after all New York doesn’t have space for irregularities, here people and things are alike, perfect. She wouldn’t have been where she was if it was for the irregular. But today it was different, she thought. She stopped thinking right there “let me see where this force takes me“, as someone from her distant past echoed “you need to go with the force , at least sometimes, you always try to be so very hard“. Maybe she was hard but hardness was the weapon of a woman, a woman can’t succeed if she is not hard because this is the only attribute that God did not bestow a woman with, He made her soft and supple so that she could be caring and loving. “She” made herself as hard as a rock and pointed at the edges so as to succeed and make her mark. In her mind she knew she had succeeded after all her life here at New York was a testament to that, but what about her heart, well she never cared about what her heart felt as long as the mind had a control over it. She kept walking until the sounds of the violent waves hitting the shoreline rang in her ears. She found herself standing at the perfect spot, for others it was a rough weather but for her it was a perfect time to visit her favourite pastime of those childhood days of her life in Cochin, India.
She stared at the vast expanse of the raging Atlantic that was hitting the rocks with all its might. She stood at the little opening of rocks inside the ocean just when a shower of sea water hit her face thus enabling her escape the thoughts that were beginning to overpower her and snatched her from the past, the past that was grim, a past that was not so distant as the date suggests it to be. She lies down on the rocks and looks above towards the sky. The night was falling on her in the form of little coloured openings from the sky . Even the sky has openings that are only visible at night, she thought. The sun had set down and it appeared as if the orange was the new black. A little strand of hair was hindering her vision of stars and the. She does away with the involuntary thought of removing it and kept her gaze at the place beyond the dark among the stars and the memories of her sordid past begin encompassing her her vision , her mind …………to be continued
Know your options in life
“ I am done with this large equations and complex formulas” said Sameer using both his hands to shut his arithmetic book.
The loud thud startled his mother who was preparing the afternoon meal in the kitchen. She came out and looked at his father who was by now looking towards Sameer. He shot a glance towards the mother as if trying to decode what the future has in store for their son, because if not studies then how would Sameer fend for himself in this breathtakingly fast and ultra-competitive world. The same age old roti kapda makaan and yes car too, after all a car is a must have “zarurat” these days, question haunted them. Sam’s detest towards arithmetic was not something new, it was a topic as hot as a furnace and as steamy as the yummy chennai idli sans the yum part of course, in their 3 bedroom house. It all had been perfectly fine till Sameer’s choices and decisions were taken by them but as he grew bigger in body, God forbid his mind also somehow gained a few kilos thus prompting him to do what any Indian parents would never want their children to do themselves, yes folks sameer started thinking and making his own decisions when i say making it is no way similar to taking because that luxury is entirely his parents prerogative. Sam walked away from the dining area and stood at the window in his room overlooking the main road crisscrossing through the city not knowing where it will end or stop. After a few miles turning into a black line disappearing among a herd of cars and a fleet of people. He was over his bad mood by now and started to contemplate, which was what he enjoyed doing, he liked to reflect on things be it the rising sun, the blooming flower or a sparrow feeding it’s children on his window sill everyday. He laughed at mankind and always thought ” what if we have reached the moon, conquered the skies but ultimately technology the subject that his father wants him to pursue has taken away childhood away from a child who is bespectacled and hooked on to a tab the whole day. It has replaced mother’s lullaby with dick sized thing blurting shitty songs that make small children’s sleep, it makes parenting so very easy.” Man made cars to shorten the distances between places, unsatisfied he made aeroplanes only to further shorten the distance all this while polluting the environment. So the new past-time is controlling pollution and so summits, reports, protocols and what not to reduce the pollution entered into the scene. Maybe technology has a solution for this too, but how far are we ready to go in order to satisfy our ulterior motives and make life easier. We create problems and then find their solutions which only give rise to more problems and many more solutions. A person is intertwined in so many things that ultimately running behind pleasures becomes his sole motive. Although Sam did not know what he wanted to do in life, but he surely knows that he would not be a part of this “pleasure seeking, self-destroying” herd. He looked once more at the road and now the black line was a bit clearer or at least he could look farther anyway.
So the bottomline is don’t be plagued by the question of what you want to do, because that question seldom has one concrete answer, try picking out things that you will surely not do in your life. At the dusk of life when the stars are twinkling and the moon is shining you will know that all this while everything that you did was all that you could have ever loved and enjoyed. That will make the night less dreary and more starry.
Sacrifice
“Sacrifice, what’s a sacrifice mother” enquired Keshav while trying to completing one last question before he was headed for his daily one hour playtime. Mother engrossed in churning out ghee, smiled at the question which raised a wave of thoughts about the types of sacrifices that all make at some point whether its as big as for a women quitting her job for her family or is it as small as for a father offering the last pie of food to his son and pretending that he is full, so she said to her 7 year old “its an act, the last time your 4 year old sister asked for your share of chocolate and you were so forthcoming, that was a sacrifice“
“Really mother, that’s it, so this was the sacrifice that our English teacher made a big deal out of in todays class while teaching us the topic “Bheeshm“- giving up his accession right over the kingdom for his step brother. Huh!! Anyways i was full that time that’s why sister got my share otherwise the only place that chocolate belonged was the intricacies of my stomach” said Keshav licking his lips.
Mother laughed at the innocence of her child and gave him a light pat ” haa! Do your sum” and she returned to stir the “kadai” lightly, while the child returned to his world of tricky “problems” and simple “solutions”. The aroma of ghee was slowly spilling into each and every corner of their 2 bedroom flat in the suburbs of Mumbai.
Years rolled by and while many suns went down in the marina beach Keshav grew into a teenager of 18 years, 5 ft 10 inched broad shouldered, he was now a student in one of the good b.com colleges. But as they say everyone in life has his fare share of penance and grief, so did Keshav but may be his penance was a tad more , so thought he. He was standing near his mother’s tombstone offering flowers, with father beside him. Its been 6 years since he had lost his mother to the deadly leukemia. Since then he and his father had shifted to Chennai,a city of beaches and south Indian delicacies, here Keshav found solace in roaming at the banks of river cooum or spending those after college hours sitting on the marina beach staring at the huge waves that formed a white foam on the water every time they hit the shore, gently forming white foam in water, 6 years had formed a clot on his wound but still every thing seemed to relate to her in one way or the other but the difference was that earlier these resemblings left a trail of tears but now just a half grin. Same feeling different emotions, “time is a cunning deceiver”,thought Keshav.
“No auntie, one more morsel and I feel my stomach would burst” said Keshav to Madhav’s mom
“Its your exam eat well, someone has said even soldiers did not fight on empty belly” said mrs.Khanna while coaxing him to have one more paratha.
Keshav smiled at the soldier analogy and ate the last “paratha”.
Then as was the custom both he and Madav bowed before god and mrs. Khanna offered them a spoonful of curd as a good omen.
Both Madhav and Keshav left for college with Keshav driving and Madhav sitting pillon.
This had been the custom since the past 5 years. Madhav’s father was a subordinate in Keshav’s father’s firm. They were introduced in one of the office dinners and stuck a chord immediately. Keshav had become Madhav’s best friend and mrs.Khanna’s second son.
Keshav in turn respected mrs. Khanna as his mother and Madhav was a precious asset that life had offered him and he had accepted it with both hands. Thus time gave him a second family. What a cunning deceiver the time is, surely.
3 years of college life passed. Keshav and Madhav’s friendship grew as strong as the binding between stars, invisible yet there. Now it was a time for placements and like everyone else they both were aspiring for one of those big companies. Many companies came to the campus but Madhav wanted to get placed in this particular company named ‘ignite’, both friends had to attend the interview the next day. Keshav faced a certain dilemma, he knew that his yearly scores were better than Madhav’s and if he attended the interview Madhav would stand no chance of making it to the final list. He had to make a small choice, either he could attend and get selected have a good life or he could choose the otherwise and let his friend realise his dream. He looked out of the window. The sweet shop opposite to his apartment was opened for the day and the cook was warming the frying pan, he remembered the day he had asked his mother about the meaning of sacrifice and his mother had replied ‘ its less of an act more to do with the feeling’ , today he realized the depth of her words, the thought brought a wet half smile on his face, the aroma of ghee being fried in the pan was slowly spreading into the air.
Sunset at the sea
The evening breeze was blowing caressing their face, the time was well past 6 in the evening and the red line of sunset had appeared on the horizon. The white boat was in the middle of the ocean now slowly drifting towards its goal.
”For how long” asked Jessica
“let’s see! I am super excited” answered Anuj, with this he left for home to complete the unfinished packing, his childhood dream of studying “film-making” as a professional course was to take flight the next day.
Jessica and Anuj used to sit by the sea for hours every day and watch the boats disappear at the horizon. The horizon to her was like a dream that existed only while it lasted, things that lost their essence just like a beautiful thought that engages you for a while and leaves you wondering
The time beside the seaside appears to have somewhat slowed down in pace just like the the strong wave stroking the sandy banks. The boat at the horizon slowly heading towards its goal where even the mighty heavens are waiting to embrace it in its arms. But what does a boat at the tethered to the shore know about this embracement, it is merely happy to be safely battling the waves.
Jessica smirked at the thought the analogy was too persistent to deny.
The white boat appeared as a dot on the big sheet of horizon.
Jessica’s father worked at the dock as an engineer. She came from a middle class family where your needs are fulfilled and wants are subdued where studying is not a hobby but a need. Her parents wanted her to complete her education and “settle down”, and in this case completing education meant “becoming an engineer” because according to them that is the shortest and the easiest way to lead a fulfilled life, it was her passport to a “settled life” which according to her father is the priority or rather should be the priority of everyone. Owing to her father’s concerted efforts, she had always been a top grader in her class thus fuelling her father’s engineering” ambitions for her to greater extents.
From the time immemorial she had been taught to answer the same thing whenever someone asked
“What would Jess like to become when she grows big like daddy?”
And without any hitch the reply was “An Engineer”.
Her knowledge about being a grown-up had been confined to eating unlimited chocolates and stashing umpteen number of cola bottles in the fridge at will. She was admired for being so career oriented at such a young age, and this made her proud and won her chocolates and was more than a reason for her to stick to that answer.
She was the son that her parents never had she was their only daughter and that made her the sole point of their attention and to sum it up means by which her father wished to live his unfulfilled dreams. This was all when she was a kid, now she was a grown up and on the verge of choosing a career path. For her it was no more about eating chocolates or earning accolades, but her parents still harbored the same ambitions and aspirations for her.
The thing about dreams , aspirations and hopes is that they are good until they become an obsession and unfulfilled dreams are worst because they can never be achieved by the current means that’s why they have been termed “unfulfilled” in the first place. But people relish them in their future and want to burden their own young ones with them, parents supplement this with a phrase “After all, If not you who else”? And this made Jess feel obliged as if it was the little she could do for them for being their daughter.
Yesterday as was her habit she was watching the sunset on the sea shore. While the sun went down each day at the same time, but that day she saw the blend of colors that accompanied this act of nature from blue to red, then orange and then a tinge of green as if nature was filling its canvas with beautiful hues and with each passing moment the old color dissolved into a new one and ultimately the blackness. It was as if someone had dropped stone in the unusually calm waters of her mind that had created ripples. She was transfixed, and pondered over what her expectations with her selves are and what does she want to end up being. She thought everything is changing constantly. Even the beautiful patterns formed in sand change with time, no matter how good they are or how artistic they are everything lives its course and is replaced by a newer version, so like everything else why doesn’t she have the muscle to change her decision of becoming an engineer, after all it wasn’t entirely a decision but a submission on her part. Like every time else this time too the answers were not very conclusive either she did not hear well or her inner voice had been subdued so much for so long that now even lending a deliberate ear to it received silence. Either way she failed to comprehend the sanctity of the realization. Night had come over, a black blanket printed with stars surrounded the earth.
A voice calls “its dinner time Jess, come home!” it was her father.
Jess tries to catch a glimpse of the sailing boat but by that time it was already out of sight owing to the “darkness” and the “distance”. She gets up and saunters towards her home.
The Inward Gaze 